In my "complicated" past, I have use the above unwittingly to avoid the pain of the live I was living and each time, a little difference presented itself. I was satisfied with the changes even though I realised my core problem is not solved yet.
Recently, all these leftover problem came back to haunt me. I may have miraculously secured a decent-paying job in a multi-nasional company but how far am I from the lives I wanted for myself? Driven by desire for pleasure this time, I found that what would please me is financial freedom and time for myself to do the things I enjoyed. A little luxury is most welcomed, it's been wanting in the past. I also want to be able to pamper a loved one, to let her know I am capable of taking good care of her.
I left my safe job last year for another in sales line. Though I shamelessly lauded myself for the courage to leave the security of that job, I must admit that I was really hasty and ill-prepared. Aside from a freelance project I managed to obscured, I have pretty much failed to achieve all that I have set out for. And once again, I found myself wounded from the pain of failure and rejection.
This year, pain will be my friend as I use the force from the need to avoid pain to change my lives once and for all. I may not always make the right decision, I amy face failure again, but the most important thing is to pick myself up each time I fall, preferable much more quicker than I used to. And stay focused.